Tell me why
by PrincessJordy
Summary: Caitlin looks back on her past with Rogerson, set to the song "Tell me why" by Taylor Swift.


**DISCLAIMER: I do not own "Dreamland", or any of the characters, they belong to Sarah Dessen, I also do not own "tell me why" it belongs to the amazing Taylor Swift.**

**A/N: **

**So, anyone who has read my other stuff knows I love songfics! **

**This song reminded me of Caitlin as I was reading "Dreamland" so I decided I should write a little story about her life after Rogerson. **

**I hope you will all enjoy this and you'll review and tell me what I should improve on next time and what you liked about it. **

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_I took a chance, I took a shot And you might think I'm bulletproof, but I'm not You took a swing, I took it hard And down here from the ground I see who you are_

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The night I met Rogerson is still important to me. It was the night that marks who I am today. I sometimes dream about him; I see his smiling face, him laughing or joking, and when I wake up suddenly from the dreams, maybe nightmares, I have to remind myself that that is not Rogerson.

_My_ Rogerson, the happy, good one, isn't real anymore. Sometimes I wonder if he ever was. Was it all just a lie then?

The night I met him, the night I chose him over Mike, I had chosen who I was. I had marked myself as different from Cass.

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_I'm sick and tired of your attitude, I'm feeling like I don't know you, You tell me that you love me then you cut me down, And I need you like a heartbeat, But you know you got a mean streak; Makes me run for cover when you're around, And here's to you and your temper, Yes, I remember what you said last night, And I know that you see what you're doing to me, Tell me why.. _

That night when he first hit me, that was another moment that changed my life. My physiatrist and the people at Evergreen said that abused children would sometimes copy there parent's behavior, to have a small bit of power in their lives.

I remembered hiding in Rogerson's bathroom, the night I saw his dad hit him. I winced at the memory.

I remembered Rogerson coming to my house late at night, always seeking something, a comfort, safeness, I supposed.

People in school asked why I hadn't just left after he hit me the first time. I think it was because I was so wrapped up in his world, his life, Rogerson in general, that I did not feel like I could just leave. I was ashamed and scared.

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_You could write a book on how to ruin someone's perfect day, Well I get so confused and frustrated Forget what I'm trying to say, oh _

I started writing everything in my dream journal; I wanted to be able to give it to Cass and my own daughter someday so they could see what I was going through.

I had a solid life now, no more smoking or hurt. I had a family that loved me, and I had started dating a very dependable guy, who loved me and accepted me, supported me. That what had always been missing with Rogerson.

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_I'm sick and tired of your reasons, I got no one to believe in, You tell me that you want me, then push me around, And I need you like a heartbeat, But you know you got a mean streak, Makes me run for cover when you're around._

_ Here's to you and your temper, Yes, I remember what you said last night. And I know that you see what you're doing to me; Tell me why.. _

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I remembered the day the day after my last photography lesson when Rogerson had seen me standing with Matthew, which had become one of the worst days of my life. It was all blurry, but I remembered the pain and the tears, the lying.

I remembered writing in my dream journal to Cass, never knowing if she would read it or not.

Rogerson had pressured me into drugs. I was clean and sober now, happy in my new life, getting good grades again.

I would sometimes remember playing trivia with Rogerson, that had been fun, that had been _my_ Rogerson.

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_Why...do you have to make me feel small So you can feel whole inside Why...do you have to put down my dreams So you're the only thing on my mind _

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Rogerson had hated my friends; he had cut me off from them. I had read somewhere recently that that was a sign of an abusive relationship, when someone would cut you off from your friends; try to make you the center of their lives, completely.

Isn't that what Rogerson had done?

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_I'm sick and tired of your attitude I'm feeling like I don't know you You tell me that you want me then cut me down I'm sick and tired of your reasons I've got no one to believe in You ask me for my love then you push me around Here's to you and your temper Yes, I remember what you said last night And I know that you see what you're doing to me Tell me why Why, tell me _

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I remembered those time when Rogerson would pick me up for lunch or after school. I remember how much worse he got, how all he wanted was an excuse to hurt me, and sometimes I wonder how bad it must have been at home at that point. Was that what it was? Was he struggling for control?

That night, when my mother had stopped him from hurting me the last time. Sometimes I wonder if I would have ever left him if someone hadn't found out. Sometimes I'd say I would have and other times I think I wouldn't have. I remember still wanting him even after he had hurt me the most. Everyone had hurt me in a way, my mom and dad for not seeing me, my mom trying to make me another Cass....Cass for leaving.

He was supposed to fill up the hole, Cass leaving had left. Instead, he had sent me falling into it.

It took me forever to be able to trust me current boyfriend, no one had known me like Rogerson had, and oh he knew me, the me, our time together had created, a dull powerless me.

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_I take a step back, let you go I told you I'm not bulletproof Now you know _

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I had my own life now. I was happy. I was loved and strong.

I was awake.

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**I hope you enjoyed it!!! **

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